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Saturday, January 27, 2024

Dudu's birthday

Dudu's first birthday celebration (1/23) with me went down at Keg Mansion, thanks to Matt's recommendation. The rib steak was off the charts😗! Dudu and I were practically doing a happy dance (at home) over that juicy steak and dreamy mashed potatoes. It was a feast to remember!

But then, Dudu got a bit emotional about the birthday spending. Come on, it's his day! I'm all about showing him love and giving him the good stuff. We've been eating with home-cooked meals lately, so a fancy dinner was totally in order—Cupid strikes again! ( I am cupid me.. teeeheee💘)

As we were enjoying the grub, Dudu spilled about his worries in our relationship—mixed backgrounds and communication stuff. It hit me in the feels, thinking maybe he's not sure what he's really looking for.Later on, the "separation" dropped in my mind. I'm thinking Dudu, being the thoughtful guy he is, might be holding back. I wondered if he's secretly longing for a more traditional, same-race vibe.

It's tough to see him all anxious, so I'm tossing around the idea that maybe, if I'm not the one, he doesn't need to stress. I seriously worry about Dudu....



Friday, January 12, 2024

New Start Again?



January 02, 2024, a day I had eagerly anticipated for months. The thrill of receiving the first written interview invitation from York Region filled me with an indescribable joy. It was a moment that sent me twirling in a dance of elation, and there, in front of T&T, Dudu and I celebrated this small victory. Cloud nine didn't seem high enough to encapsulate the emotions that surged through me.

Four months of waiting, wondering, and worrying finally led to this moment. I had almost resigned myself to the idea that perhaps an interview with York Region was not in the cards for me. But here it was, a glimmer of hope that reignited my dreams of returning to the Greater Toronto Area (GTA). The prospect of leaving behind the solitude I experienced in Niagara was a beacon of light.

Living in Niagara had its own set of challenges. Loneliness, I realized, could be one of the most disheartening things in the world. The move to Niagara had prompted me to reflect on the notion that life shouldn't be solely about work. Deep down, I've always known this truth, but circumstances seemed to have cornered me into a position where work took precedence.

The struggles with the previous school, the rejections from kindergartens, and the subsequent dent in my confidence added layers of complexity to my journey. People around me insisted that working in the school board would guarantee stability and a promising future. Yet, as I immersed myself in the role of a supply teacher in Niagara, I discovered that the reality was far from enjoyable or fulfilling.

Sure, the daily salary was relatively better than the private school market, but the sense of accomplishment and joy in teaching were conspicuously absent. The schools lacked resources, especially considering the influx of immigrants. Portable classrooms, small and dim, failed to create an optimal learning environment. The shortage of laptops, books, and exercises highlighted the stark challenges faced by both educators and students. Witnessing this disparity left me wondering how students could truly learn, particularly the art of writing.

As I prepare for the upcoming interview with York Region District School Board (YRDSB) and Peel District School Board (PDSB) for a secondary occasional teaching position, I find myself grappling with mixed emotions. The prospect of a stable and prospective life looms ahead, yet I question whether it aligns with my ideals of meaningful and fulfilling work.

Dear Lord, guide me through these interviews, grant me the courage to navigate the path ahead, and help me make choices that resonate with my values and aspirations.

Tuesday, January 9, 2024

Our First Christmas and New Year's Eve

Sinan and I celebrated our first Christmas and New Year's Eve together in Toronto! I had the pleasure of meeting Nancy Yu, Ursula, Cynthia, Kenny, Carol, and an aunt from RHCCC Church. I was overjoyed to reunite with Aunt Sandy and Uncle Wing after a gap of 5 months! They even inquired about our Turkey trip — it's been too long. I miss them dearly; they are adorable seniors.

However, this holiday season, I noticed my love shedding tears lately. Before this, I believed our relationship was flourishing. We were getting to know each other better, cherishing our time together, and overcoming challenges. But, to be honest, I'm uncertain about our path forward. I fear that my presence might be adding pressure. I never expected nationality to be a factor in a relationship.

Dear Lord, grant us the courage to navigate these uncertainties. I truly desire a lifetime with Dudu. I want to cook for him, nurture him with love and care, be his companion, travel together, and shower him with love everyday. At times, I can't bear the thought of him being alone. I want his life to be vibrant with love and color.