My "Being With..." Course

Imagine the little word ‘with’ is the most important word in the Christian faith. Let’s explore four ways to make the world a better place.

 

1.      Working for is where I do things and they make your life better. Working for is the normal model for improving the world. It says the way to address disadvantage is for those with skills, knowledge, energy and resources to put those things to use to improve the situation of those who are struggling. It says those with the advantage have abundance, have more to give, and through education and training, should use what they have to work for as many people as possible. The ‘needy’ then are defined by their deficit – by what they don’t have; if they have skills, knowledge, energy or resources, these are not noticed or used. Working for sees problems and focuses on fixing those problems; then it moves on to the next problem, of which the world is never short. One challenge is that people seldom like being seen as a problem to fix or solve.

2.      Working with is a different model. Like working for, it gains its energy from problem-solving, identifying targets, overcoming obstacles, and building momentum as more is achieved. Working with gathers around a common cause: initially drawing together the like-minded and those of similar social standing, but eventually making partnerships across social divides, like religion and class. By forming networks and creating a movement, where it’s possible for everyone to win, working with gets things going and helps those disadvantaged to feel they belong.

3.      Being for is more concerned with getting the ideas right, using the right language, having the right attitudes. Being seen to do or say the right thing is the vital thing. Much of which is good; but in its desperation that Something Must Be Done, it can become clear that it’s for somebody else to do the doing. Remaining silent on important issues is viewed as disengagement or withdrawal. Being for can often mean people who don’t fully understand the complexity of situations nonetheless feel the need to say or do something.

4.      Being with rejects the idea of problem and solution. Its main concern is the situation that has no solution, the scenario that can’t be fixed. It sees the most significant moments of life like this: love can’t be achieved; death can’t be fixed; pregnancy and birth aren’t a problem needing a solution. When it comes to social disadvantage, it believes one can’t really solve people’s problems – doing so damages and hurts relationships with others. Instead, one must accompany people while they find their own methods, answers, approaches – and celebrate and enjoy their true identity, which is not wrapped up in what one judges to be their problem. Being with starts with people’s assets – what they have – not their deficits – what they don’t have. It seeks never to do for them what they can perfectly well, perhaps with encouragement and support, do for themselves. But most importantly, being with seeks to model the goal of all relationships: seeking to delight in people, enjoying them for their own sake, right here, right now, not trying to get them to do something or be something they are not.