Questions swirl in my mind. Is it always this way when a woman brings up the topic of wanting to have a baby and start a family? Should I feel shame or embarrassment for broaching this subject? And how can I view someone as a potential life partner if they don't share the same desire or plans for having children with me? Are my worries about being an older mother and the potential difficulties that might arise during childbirth or in the health of the baby being downplayed? Could it be that I'm taking things too seriously, causing unnecessary stress for both myself and my partner? Is it wrong for me to yearn for motherhood? I found myself pouring out my heart to my boyfriend about this desire, only to receive a "wow" in response. Was that a form of teasing?
The reply left me feeling hurt and embarrassed. It's disheartening to think that my vulnerability was met with something that made me question the depth of my feelings and the sincerity of his repsonse.
I can't help but wonder if my desire to become a mother is being undermined or not taken seriously. Maybe my concerns about my age and the potential challenges of parenthood are being brushed aside.
Last night was rough. I cried for hours on end, feeling ignored and unheard. The weight of negative thoughts in my mind left me feeling almost in a state of "depression." Today, my appetite disappeared – a sure sign of sadness.
A challenging day followed with three classes and two teachers, from 8 am to 4 pm, without a break or even a moment to use the restroom. To make matters worse, one of the staff members was unexpectedly on sick leave. I was left to navigate this hardship alone, with no one to confide in or ask for help.
At 2am? , I found myself looking through the family album. Tears welled up as I thought about my loving family members, my precious students, and even the childhood dolls I had to leave behind in Hong Kong.
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