5 Months in Our New Home

It’s been five months since we moved into our beautiful new home, and what an incredible journey it’s been. Every corner of this place feels like a piece of us, filled with love, laughter, and so many firsts.

Life took a turn for the better when my fiancé finally landed his job after eight months of searching. The joy in his eyes when he got the offer was unforgettable—I’m so proud of him! It is a blessing. Not long after, we got engaged! 💍

We celebrated our engagement with a pre-wedding photoshoot. The day was magical, filled with radiant sunlight, soft breezes, and a sense of excitement for the future. Those photos are treasures...

I’ve embraced my new life as a "housewife" with enthusiasm, turning this house into a warm, cozy haven. One of my favorite things has been hosting dinners for friends, sitting around our dining table filled with good food and laughter. We also hosted my fiancé’s—oops, hubby’s—parents for the first time. Seeing them smile, feeling their pride in us, made every little effort worth it.

Wedding planning has been an adventure of its own. We visited several stunning venues, dreaming and deciding where we’ll say our vows. Each visit brought a new wave of excitement and possibilities—it feels surreal that our big day is drawing closer.

And then, the sweetest surprise: my fiancé got me a ticket to fly back home for my mom’s 60th birthday. It was such a thoughtful gesture, a reminder of how much he cherishes the people I love. I can’t wait to celebrate her milestone, surrounded by family.

These past five months have been filled with beautiful memories that I’ll cherish forever. Our home is no longer just a place—it’s a collection of stories, milestones, and dreams, with so much more to come.

Here’s to love, laughter, and the many blessings ahead.

End of September

It's the last week of September, and I'm realizing that I haven't been able to complete my goal of 20 working days at York—I've only managed 7. Jesus! I was so exhausted today after supplying in Newmarket. I miss my beautiful new home so much. Yesterday, I was in Brampton, doing library duty, just sitting there scanning books like a cashier at Walmart. It took me an hour to drive 29 km... it felt endless.

On the bright side, I recently received an assignment as a supply resource teacher for two weeks, working from 10 AM to 4 PM. What a blessing! I can still drive Dudu to work and pick him up. Thank you, Jesus! I just pray that the Lord gives me the strength to drive back home after work and blesses me with the energy to prepare all the food for tomorrow's party. I'm a little nervous since I have so much left to finish.

Last week, I was so happy to find the cutest plush cushions for just $2.99 each—what a steal! I bought six of them. Honestly, I feel like adding this to my résumé as a major life achievement, hahaha! I've been looking online for cushions, and the cheapest ones I could find were $17 each. And to top it off, I was able to host dinner for my girlfriends, which made me so happy.

I'm looking forward to many more joyful dinners with Dudu and our friends around our cozy, lovely dining table. Life has its challenges, but moments like these remind me of the blessings.

Drama OT Supply Diary

First Day:

My first day of drama teaching was definitely overwhelming. I was asked to lead an Echo activity. This game involves students standing in a circle, where one person starts by saying their names or doing something (a sound or movement), and the others "echo" it. It's a fun way to warm up the class, get everyone engaged, and build group cohesion. I was also supposed to go over classroom norms and lead a discussion on constructive criticism in theatre—a concept that’s so vital for actors. Theatre is all about feedback, but it has to be done in a way that helps actors improve, not break them down. Ms. Goldman, the department head, ended up taking the lead on this, and I was so relieved to learn from her how to guide discussions that build confidence while offering helpful, honest feedback.

Second Day:

This day was all about stepping up and running the Mirror, Mirror activity on my own... This game pairs students up, with one person acting as the leader and the other as the "mirror," imitating every movement and expression in sync. It helps develop students' focus, coordination, and connection with their scene partners—key skills in acting.

I also introduced Love/Hate Rants to the Grade 10 class. In this activity, students pick a random object or idea and deliver a passionate rant, either loving or hating it. It’s great for helping them explore extremes in emotion and tone, plus it encourages creativity and improvisation.

For the Grade 12 class, I was introduced to Verbatim Theatre, a style of theatre where actors perform real-life testimonies or interviews word-for-word. It’s an intense way to teach students about real-world stories, but it also challenges their ability to stay truthful to the source material while interpreting it for the stage. The class explored the power of acting real experiences authentically, learning how to handle sensitive material with respect and responsibility.

For Verbatim Theatre, students can pair up and interview each other, focusing on personal stories that help them explore authentic human experiences. Some questions that can be used in the interviews to get rich, emotional responses that will translate well into performance...:

1. What are your dreams or fantasies?
   (This helps explore deeper desires or goals, whether realistic or imaginative.)

2. What is a memory that has shaped who you are today?
   (This invites reflection on personal experiences that have impacted their lives.)

3. What’s something you’re most proud of?
   (Encourages them to reflect on their achievements or qualities they value in themselves.)

4. What’s a fear or insecurity you’ve had to overcome?
   (A question that brings out vulnerability and personal growth.)

5. Who has been your biggest influence, and how have they impacted you?
   (This can help explore personal connections and the influence of relationships.)

6. What’s a moment in your life where you felt completely out of your comfort zone?
   (A great way to uncover challenging or uncomfortable moments and how they shaped the person.)

Acting Techniques I’ve Explored So Far:

1. Stanislavsky’s System:
   The foundation for most modern acting techniques, this system focuses on emotional truth and realism in acting. Actors use techniques like emotional memory to recall past feelings and experiences to bring authenticity to their performances.

2. The Method (popularized by Lee Strasberg):
   An evolution of Stanislavsky’s work, Method acting encourages actors to fully immerse themselves in their characters, often staying in character even off-stage. It emphasizes emotional memory and using personal experiences to create a deep emotional connection to the role.

3. Stella Adler Technique:
   Adler believed that actors shouldn’t rely solely on personal experiences. Instead, she emphasized imagination and understanding the script’s social, cultural, and political context. The actor’s job is to study the world of the play and create truthful performances based on the script and character.

4. Meisner Technique:
   Sanford Meisner’s technique focuses on living truthfully under imaginary circumstances. It uses repetitive exercises to help actors get out of their heads and react instinctively to what their scene partner is doing, emphasizing listening and responding in the moment.

5. Uta Hagen’s Technique:
   Uta Hagen focused on making performances natural and believable. She introduced exercises like "substitution," where actors replace fictional circumstances with real-life experiences, helping them connect deeply to their characters.

6. Spolin Technique:
   Viola Spolin's method revolves around improvisation, encouraging actors to be spontaneous, playful, and flexible. Her exercises help actors break out of rigid patterns and discover new ways to approach their performances, making them more adaptable.

7. Practical Aesthetics:
   Developed by David Mamet and William H. Macy, this technique encourages actors to break down scenes based on what the character wants and what they are doing to achieve it. It focuses on analyzing the script’s objective realities rather than relying on emotional recall.

8. Viewpoints:
   Originally created by choreographer Mary Overlie, Viewpoints focuses on time and space in performance. It trains actors to be aware of their physical presence on stage and how they move through space and interact with others, creating dynamic performances.

9. Chekhov Technique:
   Mikhail Chekhov’s technique centers on using the actor's imagination and physical movement to explore a character’s inner life. It incorporates psychological gestures—specific physical movements that represent a character's desires and emotions.

10. Linklater Voice Method:
    Developed by Kristin Linklater, this method focuses on freeing the natural voice. It helps actors connect their breath and voice with their emotions and intentions, allowing for more powerful and authentic vocal performances.

11. Grotowski Technique:
    Jerzy Grotowski focused on the physicality of performance, pushing actors to use their bodies in extreme ways to express emotions and tell stories. His approach emphasized stripping away the excess and relying on raw, physical expression to connect with the audience.

    
    

    Reflecting on these first few days, I’ve realized how much I’m learning.... My mind is blown away.. 

Finding Rest and Grace Amidst the Chaos

After a crazy 7-week summer camp at Renaissance (now Lolart, lol), I finally got a relaxing week at my beautiful new home and spent some time with Dudu. But honestly, I was sick the *entire* week! Non-stop coughing, feeling so tired, and cold all the time... ugh. The summer was pretty amazing overall, especially since I didn't even think about job hunting in June. I was so swamped with writing report cards, marking, and grading final assignments. It seriously felt like I was writing essays every single day!

On top of that, I was chasing Peel Board HR for my internal candidate job link. Tried reaching out countless times, but nothing worked. So frustrating—😩Canadian bureaucracy at its finest! Thank goodness for Dudu, though. He helped me finally get access to the internal link, so now I can apply for jobs. Hallelujah!

As September creeps closer, I’ve become a regular secondary OT under the York board. I’ve decided to put off staying in Vaughan for now. But I’m still doing the back-and-forth drives, constantly worrying if Dudu’s eating enough or dressing warmly enough—it’s exhausting. I really hope I can get through my 20 mandatory days and fulfill the board's requirements.

I’ve sent out about 30 resumes (maybe a bit less), mainly aiming for high school ESL teaching positions. Elementary school is just too much with all the subjects to teach—I don’t feel confident handling that right now. Last school year was pretty eventful, though. Got a few board offers, did some LTOs, got my experience certification from Peel Board, and also sorted out my QECO. 

Thank you, Jesus, for all the beautiful things that have happened. Truly, all your grace. I’ve been feeling sick these past few months and just want to rest without guilt if I miss a day of work here and there. I pray that the Lord keeps blessing my family, my relationship with Dudu, my friends, and all the wonderful people I’ve met in person and online. They’re so precious to me.

Time to rest...

My beautiful new home by the way💗...

MY FIRST LTO 100%

Looking back on how this 2-month Long-Term Occasional (LTO) assignment came to be, I can't help but feel grateful for the opportunity that came my way. It all started when the department head noticed me using PowerPoint during my occasional teaching duties. Impressed by my approach, I was offered this LTO position. It's a reminder of how even small actions can lead to significant opportunities.

Just two weeks before being offered this position, I had declined a 33% LTO offer at Woodbridge College. Little did I expect to be offered a 100% LTO for two months afterward. I'm truly grateful to Lindsay and the principal for believing in me and giving me this chance...

When I first started, I was nervous, especially since there were two classes(ENG3C and OLC) from the English department and only one challenging class for ESLD. However, as time went on, I found my rhythm and learned so much from the experience: 

1. Importance of clear and detailed rubrics and success criteria for guiding student learning.
2. Understanding that Level 3 represents a solid understanding (70-79%), while below Level 1 indicates a need for improvement (below 50%).
3. Teaching Middle Eastern and some Afghan students has been a unique and rewarding experience.
4. Adapting teaching strategies to accommodate diverse backgrounds and language abilities.
5. Understanding ESLA-E classes and their specific learning outcomes.
6. Tailoring lessons to meet the needs of diverse students effectively.
7. Exploring technology tools like Google Classroom, Kahoot, and Mentimeter for engaging lessons.
8. Engaging students in literature and media studies through movie analysis projects.
9. Gaining insights into the challenges students face in grasping complex literary concepts like thesis statements, literary devices, and descriptive writing skills.

Anniversary

Today, I finally have a moment to jot down our anniversary day (Yay!!), which happened on March 3. It has been a year... Thank you Lord for giving us a year together. I always pray for a kind-hearted and loving man to love and cherish. I thank the Lord from the bottom of my heart for this arrangement in my life. It was a special day, a milestone that I had longed for...

Being with him, every day feels special, even though he sometimes complains that we don't have enough quality time together. But isn't life filled with chores, cooking, and cleaning? I want to remember his request and strive to provide a nice living environment with good food and, most importantly, some quality time together.

  

I was especially grateful for his visit to Niagara because he had just sent me back a few days ago, and there he was again. I suggested we postpone the celebration, but he insisted on coming. We went to Starbucks for coffee and chocolate, did some shopping at Hudson's Bay, and had a lovely time together. I hope he felt the same way. 

This picture was taken while we were trying out a bed mattress, and I said I hoped we could also sleep together until the day we were 80 years old. He suddenly became emotional and cried. Whenever I saw him crying, I cried too. It's a lovely photo. To be honest, if people can sleep next to each other when they are in the hospital, it's a blessing... I would rather die next to my lover than die in any accidents...

As we sat on the couch or the bed, I couldn't help but picture our future home after marriage. What a delightful activity! We went for dinner at Corso and enjoyed a special, nice red wine. Sometimes, though, my inner thoughts wander, and I worry that maybe he doesn't see me as the right fit due to our different races. Maybe he's still enjoying being single, or perhaps I've given him too much stress. I know I shouldn't doubt myself in a relationship, but his concerns about mixed babies have constantly made me question our future. I even thought about not having children to ease his fears, but the idea left me sobbing and depressed.

I am so happy he proves to me that there is actually someone like him on Earth. I often felt in the dark when I realized the world is much uglier than I thought and even the past people I met. I don't know what the future holds for us. Maybe (perhaps unfortunately he might think we should ...) after Dudu, it might possibly also take me years to find someone else, and by then, it might be too late for children. But despite our challenges, I want him to be happy. I respect whatever decision he makes, and I hope we will fight for our relationship and be a good human being on Earth. He has given me hope, and for that, I am grateful.

I trust that the Lord has given me faith and will manage my worries and fears. I pray for peace, confidence, and courage in life. It's incredible how Jesus forgave and blessed his followers, even after being betrayed (Peter betrayed him three times!!!). It's a powerful reminder of his love and grace. And yes, the belief that we can only receive the Holy Spirit through the Lord is profound and central to Christian faith.

Goodbye Niagara Soon

As I sit down to write, I am bubbling with excitement! The decision to move back to Toronto feels like the right one, and I can't wait for this new chapter to begin.

I still remember that first night in Niagara, full of anticipation and hope. I was determined to give it my all, staying for at least two weeks to see if there were enough daily assignments. And then, just when I was settling in, something amazing happened. In my second week, I received an offer from Durham. The thought of moving back to the GTA filled me with joy, but it was a secondary occasional teaching position, and I wasn't quite ready to jump into it.

Niagara has been wonderful, with its elementary occasional teaching position... I decided to pack up my things from Vaughan and give myself at least 9 months to try. I was thinking about moving back GTA for Durham's minimum occasional teaching days in the last month in the academic year, but as time passed, I found myself missing my friends and feeling tired of the long-distance relationship.

Luckily, I received an offer from Peel, and everything fell into place. It's time to move back. I've completed over 60 days of assignments in Niagara, and I know that if the assignment days are less in the GTA, I can always return to Niagara...

Thank you, God, for the time I've spent in Niagara. Thank you for the experiences and the lessons learned. I'm grateful for the memories made and the friendships formed. Thank you for guiding me and showing me the way. As I move back to Toronto, I trust in your plan for me. Thank you for your blessings and for always being by my side.

Forever Happy Together

My heart feels so full knowing that I have someone as special as my love in my life. His smile is the most important thing to me in the world, and seeing him happy makes me the happiest person alive.

  

I collected some of his favorite chocolates and prepared them as a gift. I also decided to get creative and designed some of our photos by writing messages on them.

I hope that we can stay forever happy together.

Here's to many more happy moments together...

Birthday Week

This birthday week has been a whirlwind of emotions and activities. I was so excited to have February 14th off, a rare treat that got me feeling all kinds of giddy. Birthdays have been a bit of a sore spot for me in the past, filled with stress and a sense of inadequacy. I know it's just a day, but for some reason, I always get nervous and particularly down around my birthday. It's like all these ghostly feelings come back to haunt me, and I hate that!

There were so many things on my plate: visiting Cynthia and Ronald for Lunar New Year, meeting up with Janice and Dorothy, seeing my Chinese practitioner Ms. Ding, getting a facial... it was a lot, especially since I had to drive back and forth on Friday and Saturday. Note to self: next time, take a day off in between to avoid the exhaustion from all that driving.

My love surprised me with flowers and indulged in the chocolate cake I picked out, which made me so happy. And then there was the unexpected short day trip to Niagara Falls, US. We've been spending so much time in transportation lately, it's almost comical. I really hope we can relocate soon. Thank you for the offer from Peel; I hope to secure a job soon and provide my parents with more options for their retirement. I'll keep praying for it all to work out.

Here's to hoping for smoother travels, fewer ghostly feelings, and more peaceful birthdays in the future.

 

Gong Hey Fat Choy! 🧧

Today marks another Lunar New Year away from home, and I can't help but feel a wave of nostalgia mixed with sadness. It's been two years now since I last celebrated this joyous occasion with my family, and each passing year seems to make the distance feel even greater.

Mum sent me a video of my adorable niece, Amanda, who's growing up so fast. Seeing her cheerful face brought both happiness and tears to my eyes. Oh, how I miss the laughter and the warmth of family gatherings during this festive season (T_______T) One of the things I miss the most is the delicious turnip cake and Mum's special Lunar New Year veggies.

The family reunion dinner and watching fireworks at Victoria Harbour on New Year's Day are cherished traditions that I yearn for dearly. But here I am, alone in Niagara, far from home. Yesterday, I ventured out to witness the special Lunar New Year celebrations on my own. It wasn't the same as being surrounded by loved ones, but at least I wasn't drowning in solitude at home with only my teddy bear for company. Thank goodness for small mercies.

I treated myself to a piece of birthday chocolate cake. Sometimes, a little indulgence is necessary to keep loneliness at bay.

Here's to brighter days ahead, filled with good health, happiness, and an abundance of blessings for my family. Gong Hey Fat choy! 🧧

You are my Whole World...

What a day! I was absolutely beat, rushing back home like a maniac, completely unaware that a delightful surprise awaited me right outside my doorstep. Yep, you guessed it, I was so tired I didn't even notice the colourful balloon! 

...So, turns out my amazing love decided to pull off an early birthday surprise for me! How sweet is that (cry)... I mean, just a few days ago, I casually mentioned to him that we've been together for 333 days since March 3, 2023. And what does he do? He goes and arranges this adorable surprise for me! I swear, he has got a heart of gold (cry).

It's my first time ever receiving birthday flowers! I know, crazy, right? But seriously, seeing this colorful bloom and those lovely pinky roses just made my heart swell with so much love and warmth. It's moments like these that remind me how lucky I am to have someone as thoughtful and caring as him in my life ...

Dudu's birthday

Dudu's first birthday celebration (1/23) with me went down at Keg Mansion, thanks to Matt's recommendation. The rib steak was off the charts😗! Dudu and I were practically doing a happy dance (at home) over that juicy steak and dreamy mashed potatoes. It was a feast to remember!

But then, Dudu got a bit emotional about the birthday spending. Come on, it's his day! I'm all about showing him love and giving him the good stuff. We've been eating with home-cooked meals lately, so a fancy dinner was totally in order—Cupid strikes again! ( I am cupid me.. teeeheee💘)

As we were enjoying the grub, Dudu spilled about his worries in our relationship—mixed backgrounds and communication stuff. It hit me in the feels, thinking maybe he's not sure what he's really looking for.Later on, the "separation" dropped in my mind. I'm thinking Dudu, being the thoughtful guy he is, might be holding back. I wondered if he's secretly longing for a more traditional, same-race vibe.

It's tough to see him all anxious, so I'm tossing around the idea that maybe, if I'm not the one, he doesn't need to stress. I seriously worry about Dudu....

 

New Start Again?

January 02, 2024, a day I had eagerly anticipated for months. The thrill of receiving the first written interview invitation from York Region filled me with an indescribable joy. It was a moment that sent me twirling in a dance of elation, and there, in front of T&T, Dudu and I celebrated this small victory. Cloud nine didn't seem high enough to encapsulate the emotions that surged through me.

Four months of waiting, wondering, and worrying finally led to this moment. I had almost resigned myself to the idea that perhaps an interview with York Region was not in the cards for me. But here it was, a glimmer of hope that reignited my dreams of returning to the Greater Toronto Area (GTA). The prospect of leaving behind the solitude I experienced in Niagara was a beacon of light.

Living in Niagara had its own set of challenges. Loneliness, I realized, could be one of the most disheartening things in the world. The move to Niagara had prompted me to reflect on the notion that life shouldn't be solely about work. Deep down, I've always known this truth, but circumstances seemed to have cornered me into a position where work took precedence.

The struggles with the previous school, the rejections from kindergartens, and the subsequent dent in my confidence added layers of complexity to my journey. People around me insisted that working in the school board would guarantee stability and a promising future. Yet, as I immersed myself in the role of a supply teacher in Niagara, I discovered that the reality was far from enjoyable or fulfilling.

Sure, the daily salary was relatively better than the private school market, but the sense of accomplishment and joy in teaching were conspicuously absent. The schools lacked resources, especially considering the influx of immigrants. Portable classrooms, small and dim, failed to create an optimal learning environment. The shortage of laptops, books, and exercises highlighted the stark challenges faced by both educators and students. Witnessing this disparity left me wondering how students could truly learn, particularly the art of writing.

As I prepare for the upcoming interview with York Region District School Board (YRDSB) and Peel District School Board (PDSB) for a secondary occasional teaching position, I find myself grappling with mixed emotions. The prospect of a stable and prospective life looms ahead, yet I question whether it aligns with my ideals of meaningful and fulfilling work.

Dear Lord, guide me through these interviews, grant me the courage to navigate the path ahead, and help me make choices that resonate with my values and aspirations.

Our First Christmas and New Year's Eve

Sinan and I celebrated our first Christmas and New Year's Eve together in Toronto! I had the pleasure of meeting Nancy Yu, Ursula, Cynthia, Kenny, Carol, and an aunt from RHCCC Church. I was overjoyed to reunite with Aunt Sandy and Uncle Wing after a gap of 5 months! They even inquired about our Turkey trip — it's been too long. I miss them dearly; they are adorable seniors.

However, this holiday season, I noticed my love shedding tears lately. Before this, I believed our relationship was flourishing. We were getting to know each other better, cherishing our time together, and overcoming challenges. But, to be honest, I'm uncertain about our path forward. I fear that my presence might be adding pressure. I never expected nationality to be a factor in a relationship.

Dear Lord, grant us the courage to navigate these uncertainties. I truly desire a lifetime with Dudu. I want to cook for him, nurture him with love and care, be his companion, travel together, and shower him with love everyday. At times, I can't bear the thought of him being alone. I want his life to be vibrant with love and color.