January: A Quiet and Unexpected Month

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I had never dreamed of NOT working one day and becoming a stay-at-home wife or mother. To me, that felt almost impossible. I would need to support my aging parents. I would need to support my family in this high cost-of-living world. Teaching is never something “free” or easy for me. But it has always been the best job I could imagine for being a mother, a wife, and a caretaker. I can enjoy the same summer holidays as my future kids. I have long seasonal breaks to spend with my family. I have a pension. Teaching helps foster both myself and my children. When I first chose this career, this was exactly what I hoped it could be.

January turned out to be a very different month. 

I only worked four days in total. Because of very few job calls and heavy snow days, I unexpectedly started living like a full-time housewife. Life slowed down a lot, and I found myself spending more time at home than I ever planned. 

This month was also my husband’s birthday month, which made January very special. We invited some friends over and enjoyed cozy game nights and hotpot together. Simple food, warm conversations, and laughter mattered so much during the cold winter days.

On one freezing cold Friday night, we also went out just the two of us. We had a wonderful dinner at Jacob’s Steakhouse. It was warm, calm, and deeply comforting.

At the same time, we are both trying our very best to support fertility in natural ways. I have been doing acupuncture and taking herbs, hoping to help my body gently and patiently.

I want to speak honestly about the IVF industry, because this matters deeply to me. To me, IVF is not a medical miracle or a hopeful option. It has become a business built on desperation, fear, and money. Human life is created, frozen, selected, discarded, and destroyed as if it were a product. This is not healing. This is control.

I cannot accept a system where embryos are treated as “extra,” “failed,” or “unused.” Those are not materials. They are lives. Mistakes happen. Wrong sperm or eggs are used. Babies are treated like lab results. And yet, no one takes real responsibility. Everything is hidden behind contracts, money, and nice marketing words.

The cost is also disturbing. Families are pushed to spend huge amounts of money, sometimes their life savings, for something that is never guaranteed. At the same time, we are sold fake hope, fake food, fake health products, and endless treatments. Society makes people sick, stressed, and infertile — and then sells IVF as the solution. It feels like being trapped in a cruel money system.

To me..., IVF is not a “choice.” It is morally wrong, against the Bible, and against God. Life is a gift from God, not something humans should manufacture, trade, or destroy. Love, marriage, and family were never meant to be handled this way.

My prayer is simple. I hope my husband and I can walk this journey without arguments, with love, trust and understanding. I pray that God makes us truly one flesh, strengthens our bond, and gives us faith and patience.

We will try all the natural ways we can, and then place everything in God’s hands. Whatever His plan is, we trust Him.

January was quiet, unexpected, and reflective.

❤️Choosing Family First

 This year, I’m learning to adjust my priorities.

Pregnancy and family have become my main focus. I’m slowly stepping into my family role—taking care of my husband, nurturing our relationship, and taking better care of my own body so I can prepare myself for pregnancy. Compared to previous years, my career is less important right now, and I’m at peace with that.

I didn’t actively look for a permanent job this year. Instead, my goal is simple: complete the minimum required working days across three school boards and keep my position. I’ve already secured one board, and I’m working toward the other two. One step at a time—keep it up, Bren Bren.

There are also personal wishes close to my heart. I want to see my parents again, hopefully this summer. I also dream of taking a trip with my husband—a trip that belongs just to us, before life becomes busier in new ways.

I hope I can find balance in everything.

Every time my husband smiles, my heart melts. His happiness is my happiness. Before I have a baby growing in my womb, I want to fully enjoy this season of life—welcoming friends, spending time together, laughing, and creating memories.

在等待中被愛

 有時我都會靜落嚟諗一諗，原來「而家仲未懷孕」呢段時間，本身就係一份禮物。

作為一個妻子，呢個階段俾咗我同老公好多空間。我哋可以隨時約朋友上屋企，幾多日都得；屋企仍然可以保持一份安靜，屬於我哋兩個人嘅時間。夜晚可以慢慢傾偈，傾未來、傾財務、傾生活方式，慢慢摸索我哋想要嘅人生方向。

呢段「安靜期」，亦都俾我哋有更多時間去浪漫。唔係大排場，而係兩個人一齊去做一啲值得記住、唔會忘記嘅小事——一齊行街、一齊煮飯、一齊笑。原來，兩個人單純咁同行，本身已經好珍貴。

等待BB嘅過程，其實都係一個操練信心嘅過程。我學習將更多嘅信靠交俾神，亦都喺靈命上慢慢被建立。呢段時間，我同老公都可以更投入教會嘅服侍，將而家仍然相對自由嘅時間，獻俾神、獻俾人。

我亦都更加珍惜同父母相處嘅時間——呢份家庭時光，其實係我內心一直渴望、亦都好珍而重之嘅。

我有諗過，係咪應該俾自己一個短暫嘅 break，返香港走一轉。不過現實上，又要考慮工作，同埋結婚之後，我又唔太捨得留老公一個喺加拿大。所以都仍然喺禱告同思考當中。

我知道，一旦懷孕，我嘅身體會進入一個完全唔同嘅階段——重量、感覺、身心都會改變。所以而家，我都想好好珍惜呢個「未曾生育過」嘅身體。當然，我依然深信，母親身份係世界上其中一樣最偉大嘅事，亦都係神創造我哋其中一個美麗嘅心意。

願神賜我哋一個健康嘅孩子，亦都願佢將來認識基督、與主建立關係，一生榮耀神。
願神祝福我哋嘅父母，賜佢哋忍耐與盼望，等候孫兒嘅來臨。
願神祝福我同我丈夫，有同心合意嘅渴望，亦都有健康嘅身體去承載生命。
願神賜我一個結果子嘅子宮，擴展我哋嘅家庭。

奉主耶穌基督嘅名祈求，阿們。 🙏

「與」

 Week 7 Story (“Cross”) – Longer Version

 

If there’s one word that sums up Jesus’ story, that word is ‘with’. Jesus’ ministry, above all else, is about being with us, in pain and wonder, in sorrow and in joy, in quiet and in conflict, in death and in life. The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit are so with one another that it seems they are in one another. And to the extent that they are in one another, we call God not three but one. God is the perfect equilibrium of three persons so with that they are in, but in in such a way that they are still with.

 

Good Friday is the day we see the very heart of God and the very worst in ourselves. Jesus’ last words are, ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’ At first sight, this is simply the last in a chain of abandonments. Jesus’ companions flee, Peter denies, Judas betrays, now God the Father forsakes. It’s a litany of desertion. The events leading up to Jesus’ crucifixion are a heartless and wholesale dismantling of with. Jesus is left without all those he worked so hard to be with – the disciples, the authorities, the poor – and all of them have not just disappeared, but actively deserted or betrayed him. Jesus is still with us, but we, at this most precious moment of all, are not with him.

 

But these abandonments are nothing compared to the one that really matters. The cross is a unique event. It’s not unique because of how much pain Jesus felt or how much love he’d previously expended. It’s unique because the Holy Trinity is the utter presence of unalloyed with, and at the moment of Jesus’ death, that with is, for a brief moment and for the only instant in eternal history, lost.

 

With is the very essence of God’s being within the life of the Trinity (the relationship of God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit), and the very essence of God’s being towards us in Christ. And yet at this unique moment, that with is obscured. Like the clouds coming across the sun, shrouding the earth in shadow, the essence of God, always three persons in perfect relationship, always God’s life shaped to be with us – that essence is for a moment lost. This is the most poignant and terrifying moment in all history. The two things we think we can know for certain – that God is a Trinity of persons in perfect and eternal relationship and that God is always present with us in Christ through the Spirit – these two certainties are, for a moment, taken away. The universe’s deepest realities have become unhinged. The Son is not with the Father, even though he desperately wants to be. The Father is not with the Son, breaking our whole notion of their eternal presence one with another. This is the most vivid picture of hell we could imagine: not just our being separated from God, but God being separated from God, God being out of God’s own reach.

 

The cross is Jesus’ ultimate demonstration of being with us – but in the cruellest irony of all time, it’s the instant Jesus finds that neither we, nor the Father, are with him. Every aspect of being not-with, of being with-out, clusters together at this agonizing moment. Jesus experiences the reality of human sin because sin is fundamentally living without God. Jesus experiences the depth of suffering because suffering is more than anything the condition of being without comfort. Jesus experiences the horror of death because death is the word we give to being without all things – without breath, without connectedness, without consciousness, without a body. Jesus experiences the biggest alienation of all, the state of being without the Father, and thus being not-God – being, for this moment, without the with that is the essence of God.

 

And Jesus’ words at this most terrifying moment are these: ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’ He’s still talking to the Father, even at the moment of declaring that the with has gone. He’s still talking in intimate terms – calling the Father ‘My God’. These words come out of the most profound level of trust, the most fathomless depth of with and in. The most tantalizing thing is that Jesus’ last words are a question – a question that doesn’t receive an answer. The question should rattle us to our bones.

 

The question shows us that Jesus has given everything that he is for the cause of being with us, for the cause of embracing us within the essence of God’s being. He’s given so much – even despite our determination to be without him. And yet he’s given beyond our imagination because for the sake of our being with the Father he has, for this moment, lost his own being with the Father. And the Father has longed so much to be with us that he has, for this moment, lost his being with the Son, which is the essence of his being.

 

Here we are, at the central moment in history. Jesus, the incarnate Son of God, has to choose between being with the Father or being with us. And he chooses us. At the same time the Father has to choose between letting the Son be with us or keeping the Son to himself. And he chooses to let the Son be with us. Can you believe it? That is the choice on which our eternal destiny depends. That’s the epicentre of the Christian faith, and our very definition of love.

 

These two astonishing discoveries, the Father’s losing the Son for us and the Son’s losing the Father for us, rattle our bones because they make us wonder ‘Is all then lost?’ – not just for us, but even for God. Has the Trinity lost its identity for nothing? If we don’t experience a shiver of this greatest of all horrors at this point, then we haven’t allowed ourselves truly to enter Good Friday. But this deepest of fears is what will find an answer two days later, when we find that neither sin nor suffering nor death nor alienation has the last word. With is restored at Easter and, on the day of Ascension, with has the last word.

 

Is our alienation from God really so profound that it pushes God to such lengths to reverse and heal it? We don’t want to believe it. But here it is, in front of our eyes. That’s what the cross is – our cowardice and cruelty confronted by God’s wondrous love. Is being with us for ever really worth God going to such lengths to secure? Now that is, perhaps, the most awesome question of all. It takes us to the heart of God’s identity and the heart of our own. Can we really believe God thought we were worth it? Are our paltry lives worth the Trinity setting aside the essence of its identity in order that we might be with God and incorporated into God’s life for ever?

 

Jesus’ cry is one of agony that to reach us he had, for a moment, to let go of his Father. What is our cry? Our cry is one of grief that we were not with him. It’s a cry of astonishment that he was, despite everything, still with us. And it’s a cry of conviction and commitment that we will be with him henceforth and for evermore.

 

這篇故事的核心是「與」這個字。耶穌的事工，最根本的就是與我們同在，不論是痛苦還是奇蹟，悲傷還是喜樂，安靜還是衝突，死亡還是生命。聖父、聖子和聖靈彼此如此緊密地相交，彷彿彼此就在對方之內。他們之間的關係是如此密切，我們稱神為「一位」，因為他們三位完美地合一，雖然這份合一中依然保持著彼此的「與」的存在。

聖週五是我們看到神的心臟，以及我們自身最糟糕的時候。耶穌最後的話是：「我的神，我的神，為什麼離棄我？」表面上看，這似乎只是連串被遺棄中的最後一個。耶穌的門徒逃跑，彼得否認，猶大背叛，現在神聖的父親也離棄了他。這是一個被拋棄的記錄。耶穌被釘十字架的過程，是一個無情的摧毀「與」的過程。耶穌失去了所有他曾努力去與之同在的人——門徒、當時的權威、窮人——他們不僅消失了，還選擇了背叛或離棄他。耶穌依然與我們同在，但在這最寶貴的時刻，我們卻沒有與他同在。

然而，這些遺棄與其說是令人心碎，不如說是無關緊要的，因為真正重要的遺棄發生了。十字架是獨特的事件，它之所以獨特，不在於耶穌經歷了多少痛苦，或者他先前曾表現出多少愛。它的獨特性在於聖三一是完全的「與」的存在，而在耶穌死的那一刻，這種「與」在永恆的歷史中，唯一的瞬間，消失了。

「與」是神三位一體中神的本質，並且是神在基督裡與我們同在的本質。然而，在這個獨特的時刻，這份「與」被遮蔽了。就像雲層遮住太陽，將大地籠罩在陰影中，神的本質——永遠三位一體、完美相交的神——在那一刻消失了。這是歷史中最令人心碎、最可怕的時刻。我們一直認為可以確定的兩件事——神是三位一體，永恆完美相交；以及神總是透過聖靈與我們同在——這兩件事在這一刻被奪走了。宇宙最深的真理被扭曲了。聖子不與聖父同在，雖然他極力想與他同在。聖父不與聖子同在，打破了我們對他們永恆共存的所有理解。這是我們能想像到的最真實的地獄：不僅是我們與神的分離，而是神與神的分離，神無法觸及自己。

十字架是耶穌對我們的終極示範——然而在所有歷史中最殘酷的諷刺就是，在這一刻，耶穌發現，無論是我們還是父神，都不與他同在。在這痛苦的時刻，所有「不在與」的感受都匯聚在一起。耶穌經歷了人類罪的現實，因為罪就是無神的生活。耶穌經歷了痛苦的深度，因為痛苦更多的是缺乏安慰的狀態。耶穌經歷了死亡的恐懼，因為死亡是我們給「無所有」這一狀態的名稱——無氣息、無聯繫、無意識、無身體。耶穌經歷了最深的疏離——與聖父的隔絕，因此不再是神——在這一刻，他失去了神的本質。

在這最可怕的時刻，耶穌的話是：「我的神，我的神，為什麼離棄我？」即使在宣告「與」已經消失的時刻，耶穌依然與父神對話。他仍然用親密的語氣稱呼父神為「我的神」。這些話來自於最深的信任，是最深層的「與」與「在」的表達。最讓人矛盾的是，耶穌的最後話語是一個問題——一個沒有答案的問題。這個問題應該讓我們的內心為之一震。

這個問題讓我們看到，耶穌為了我們，已經付出了他的一切，為了能夠與我們同在，將我們納入神的本質之中。他已經付出了如此多——即使我們決心要與他分離。然而，他所付出的，超出了我們的想像，因為為了讓我們與父神同在，他為此短暫失去了自己與父神的「同在」。而父神如此渴望與我們同在，以至於他讓聖子為我們而與自己分離，這就是父神的本質。

這是歷史的中心時刻。耶穌，神的化身，必須在與父神同在和與我們同在之間做出選擇，而他選擇了我們。與此同時，父神必須在讓聖子與我們同在，或是把聖子保留給自己之間做出選擇，而他選擇讓聖子與我們同在。你能相信嗎？這就是我們永恆命運的轉折點。這是基督信仰的核心，也是我們對愛的定義。

這兩個驚人的發現——父神為了我們而失去聖子，聖子為了我們而失去父神——震撼了我們的內心，因為它們讓我們不禁疑問「那麼一切是否都已經失去？」——不僅是對我們，甚至對神來說，三位一體是否為此失去了自己的身份？如果我們此刻沒有感受到這場歷史最深的恐懼，那麼我們就沒有真正進入聖週五。但這種恐懼將在兩天後找到答案，當我們發現，無論是罪、痛苦、死亡還是疏離，都無法擁有最後的話語。復活節時，「與」被恢復了，而在升天日，「與」擁有了最後的話語。

我們與神的疏離是否如此深刻，以至於推動神走到這樣的地步來扭轉並醫治它？我們不想相信，但它就在我們眼前。這就是十字架——我們的懦弱和殘忍與神奇妙的愛相對峙。神真的認為我們值得嗎？我們那微不足道的生命，真的值得三位一體為了讓我們與神同在，放下本質身份嗎？

耶穌的呼喊是痛苦的，因為為了達到我們，他不得不暫時放開父神。而我們的呼喊是悲傷的，因為我們未曾與他同在。這是對耶穌仍然與我們同在的驚訝呼喊。也是我們宣誓會永遠與他同在的呼喊。

Loss Aunt Josy 💔

March 16, 2025

This morning, I received heartbreaking 💔news—Aunt Josy Kwok passed away at 8 a.m. at Tun Mun Hospital. Mom got the call from Uncle Yan, and she and Dad rushed to the hospital, but Aunt Josy was already gone when they arrived. Mom told me that when she touched Aunt Josy, she was still warm. She cried. I know how much Aunt Josy meant to her. They shared an incredibly strong sisterhood, one that was filled with love, care, and support.

Aunt Josy was a wonderful person. She worked so hard, always taking care of her family and grandchildren. She was generous, though not always expressive. She even helped me financially when I was pursuing my bachelor's degree, something I will forever be grateful for. She had even planned to give me a wedding present one day. But all I ever wanted was for her to be healthy, to be here with us. Now, she is gone, and my heart feels empty.

Counting my fingers, five people from my childhood photos have now left this world. When facing death and illness, we are truly helpless. I have seen too many of my loved ones pass away.

In my second year of high school (2003), my grandfather, my mom's father passed away from nose and throat cancer. He was in his seventies. Then, during my second year of university (2012), Uncle Hung passed away at home. My parents hadn't heard from him for a while and started to worry. Mom went to his home, peeked through the gap of the window, and saw him lying on the floor. He had been gone for one to two days before anyone knew. He lived alone, a single man with no one to check on him. Uncle Hung was once a close family friend. He was always there for us, fixing electricity and air conditioning, helping whenever we needed him. I still remember how he helped me build a home for my art project using popsicle sticks. He was a kind man.

Later (2017), when I started working as a teacher, Uncle Lun (my dad's younger sister's husband) also passed away from cancer. I never even knew what kind of cancer it was. He used to be such a funny, loving, and friendly man in my childhood, and now he, too, is gone.

And then (2018), there was my grandfather—my dad's father. I never knew the reason for his passing either. But I do remember he was in a terrible elderly home. He died in his seventies, just like my other grandfather.

Now (2025), Aunt Josy. Another loss. Another goodbye I was never prepared for. She was always not mindful of her health... eating so much fruit, though she skipped proper meals. She worked so hard all her life. And now, she's gone.

Jesus, can you hear the words I cannot even put into words? Are you meeting Aunt Josy in heaven? She is such an amazing woman, someone who deserves eternal peace and joy.

I pray for all of them, my family and friends who have passed away. May they find eternal life, just as Christianity says.

In the name of the Father, Amen.

My "Being With..." Course

Imagine the little word ‘with’ is the most important word in the Christian faith. Let’s explore four ways to make the world a better place.

 

1.      Working for is where I do things and they make your life better. Working for is the normal model for improving the world. It says the way to address disadvantage is for those with skills, knowledge, energy and resources to put those things to use to improve the situation of those who are struggling. It says those with the advantage have abundance, have more to give, and through education and training, should use what they have to work for as many people as possible. The ‘needy’ then are defined by their deficit – by what they don’t have; if they have skills, knowledge, energy or resources, these are not noticed or used. Working for sees problems and focuses on fixing those problems; then it moves on to the next problem, of which the world is never short. One challenge is that people seldom like being seen as a problem to fix or solve.

2.      Working with is a different model. Like working for, it gains its energy from problem-solving, identifying targets, overcoming obstacles, and building momentum as more is achieved. Working with gathers around a common cause: initially drawing together the like-minded and those of similar social standing, but eventually making partnerships across social divides, like religion and class. By forming networks and creating a movement, where it’s possible for everyone to win, working with gets things going and helps those disadvantaged to feel they belong.

3.      Being for is more concerned with getting the ideas right, using the right language, having the right attitudes. Being seen to do or say the right thing is the vital thing. Much of which is good; but in its desperation that Something Must Be Done, it can become clear that it’s for somebody else to do the doing. Remaining silent on important issues is viewed as disengagement or withdrawal. Being for can often mean people who don’t fully understand the complexity of situations nonetheless feel the need to say or do something.

4.      Being with rejects the idea of problem and solution. Its main concern is the situation that has no solution, the scenario that can’t be fixed. It sees the most significant moments of life like this: love can’t be achieved; death can’t be fixed; pregnancy and birth aren’t a problem needing a solution. When it comes to social disadvantage, it believes one can’t really solve people’s problems – doing so damages and hurts relationships with others. Instead, one must accompany people while they find their own methods, answers, approaches – and celebrate and enjoy their true identity, which is not wrapped up in what one judges to be their problem. Being with starts with people’s assets – what they have – not their deficits – what they don’t have. It seeks never to do for them what they can perfectly well, perhaps with encouragement and support, do for themselves. But most importantly, being with seeks to model the goal of all relationships: seeking to delight in people, enjoying them for their own sake, right here, right now, not trying to get them to do something or be something they are not.

5 Months in Our New Home

It’s been five months since we moved into our beautiful new home, and what an incredible journey it’s been. Every corner of this place feels like a piece of us, filled with love, laughter, and so many firsts.

Life took a turn for the better when my fiancé finally landed his job after eight months of searching. The joy in his eyes when he got the offer was unforgettable—I’m so proud of him! It is a blessing. Not long after, we got engaged! 💍

We celebrated our engagement with a pre-wedding photoshoot. The day was magical, filled with radiant sunlight, soft breezes, and a sense of excitement for the future. Those photos are treasures...

I’ve embraced my new life as a "housewife" with enthusiasm, turning this house into a warm, cozy haven. One of my favorite things has been hosting dinners for friends, sitting around our dining table filled with good food and laughter. We also hosted my fiancé’s—oops, hubby’s—parents for the first time. Seeing them smile, feeling their pride in us, made every little effort worth it.

Wedding planning has been an adventure of its own. We visited several stunning venues, dreaming and deciding where we’ll say our vows. Each visit brought a new wave of excitement and possibilities—it feels surreal that our big day is drawing closer.

And then, the sweetest surprise: my fiancé got me a ticket to fly back home for my mom’s 60th birthday. It was such a thoughtful gesture, a reminder of how much he cherishes the people I love. I can’t wait to celebrate her milestone, surrounded by family.

These past five months have been filled with beautiful memories that I’ll cherish forever. Our home is no longer just a place—it’s a collection of stories, milestones, and dreams, with so much more to come.

Here’s to love, laughter, and the many blessings ahead.