Chapter 36: Grace in the Middle of Uncertainty

 Two days before my 36th birthday, I received some “bad” news from my hubby — his contract will be ending this month, six months earlier than expected.

At first, it felt unsettling. The unknown always does. But at the same time, deep in my heart, I felt peace… and even joy.

For so long, he has been in a job he didn’t truly enjoy. Maybe this early ending is not a loss, but a release. A door closing so that better ones can open. I’m grateful he can finally take a break, breathe, and hopefully find time for himself — to rest, to dream again, to rediscover what makes him come alive.

Next month, we’re heading to Turkey for a month! And the biggest joy — Mum and Dad will be there too. I still can’t believe we will see each other again so soon after our wedding, just seven months later. What a blessing! My heart is already counting down the days. ✈️

On my birthday morning, hubby treated himself to a massage at Lan Beauty. We were running late, so sadly I didn’t get mine. But the day still unfolded beautifully. We had dim sum and wandered around First Markham Place, soaking in the busy, lively atmosphere. Later, we went to Go Place — it was so crowded! Yet God’s mercy truly shines in the smallest details. A staff member named Karen kindly helped us and even gave me a birthday massage pass and two free drinks. I felt so seen and cared for.

Hubby also surprised me with a Korean chocolate cake on the day itself. And on February 26, Dorothy, Catherine, Anne, and Carmen surprised me with an Oreo cake. I am so loved. So spoiled. So thankful.

Thirty-six feels different.

This year, I pray for miracles — especially the quiet miracle in my belly. May God grant us a little “bubu” and gently lead us into parenthood. I don’t know what this year will bring — new jobs, new journeys, new challenges — but I know Who walks with us.

And that is enough.

Here’s to faith over fear.
Here’s to unexpected blessings.
Here’s to 36. 💛

January: A Quiet and Unexpected Month

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I had never dreamed of NOT working one day and becoming a stay-at-home wife or mother. To me, that felt almost impossible. I would need to support my aging parents. I would need to support my family in this high cost-of-living world. Teaching is never something “free” or easy for me. But it has always been the best job I could imagine for being a mother, a wife, and a caretaker. I can enjoy the same summer holidays as my future kids. I have long seasonal breaks to spend with my family. I have a pension. Teaching helps foster both myself and my children. When I first chose this career, this was exactly what I hoped it could be.

January turned out to be a very different month. 

I only worked four days in total. Because of very few job calls and heavy snow days, I unexpectedly started living like a full-time housewife. Life slowed down a lot, and I found myself spending more time at home than I ever planned. 

This month was also my husband’s birthday month, which made January very special. We invited some friends over and enjoyed cozy game nights and hotpot together. Simple food, warm conversations, and laughter mattered so much during the cold winter days.

On one freezing cold Friday night, we also went out just the two of us. We had a wonderful dinner at Jacob’s Steakhouse. It was warm, calm, and deeply comforting.

At the same time, we are both trying our very best to support fertility in natural ways. I have been doing acupuncture and taking herbs, hoping to help my body gently and patiently.

I want to speak honestly about the IVF industry, because this matters deeply to me. To me, IVF is not a medical miracle or a hopeful option. It has become a business built on desperation, fear, and money. Human life is created, frozen, selected, discarded, and destroyed as if it were a product. This is not healing. This is control.

I cannot accept a system where embryos are treated as “extra,” “failed,” or “unused.” Those are not materials. They are lives. Mistakes happen. Wrong sperm or eggs are used. Babies are treated like lab results. And yet, no one takes real responsibility. Everything is hidden behind contracts, money, and nice marketing words.

The cost is also disturbing. Families are pushed to spend huge amounts of money, sometimes their life savings, for something that is never guaranteed. At the same time, we are sold fake hope, fake food, fake health products, and endless treatments. Society makes people sick, stressed, and infertile — and then sells IVF as the solution. It feels like being trapped in a cruel money system.

To me..., IVF is not a “choice.” It is morally wrong, against the Bible, and against God. Life is a gift from God, not something humans should manufacture, trade, or destroy. Love, marriage, and family were never meant to be handled this way.

My prayer is simple. I hope my husband and I can walk this journey without arguments, with love, trust and understanding. I pray that God makes us truly one flesh, strengthens our bond, and gives us faith and patience.

We will try all the natural ways we can, and then place everything in God’s hands. Whatever His plan is, we trust Him.

January was quiet, unexpected, and reflective.