Stress

After exchanging a few WhatsApp messages with my boyfriend on Monday, something changed. Our usual phone calls suddenly came to a halt, all because of what felt like an "awkward" conversation. It's strange how the sudden cessation of our daily routines, like talking and messaging, can bring back memories of the haunting feelings I experienced with Pokman. That sense of emptiness, loneliness, and helplessness that seemed to have no resolution. Those feelings linger within me, seemingly forever. Yes, forever… 

Questions swirl in my mind. Is it always this way when a woman brings up the topic of wanting to have a baby and start a family? Should I feel shame or embarrassment for broaching this subject? And how can I view someone as a potential life partner if they don't share the same desire or plans for having children with me? Are my worries about being an older mother and the potential difficulties that might arise during childbirth or in the health of the baby being downplayed? Could it be that I'm taking things too seriously, causing unnecessary stress for both myself and my partner? Is it wrong for me to yearn for motherhood? I found myself pouring out my heart to my boyfriend about this desire, only to receive a "wow" in response. Was that a form of teasing? 

The reply left me feeling hurt and embarrassed. It's disheartening to think that my vulnerability was met with something that made me question the depth of my feelings and the sincerity of his repsonse. I can't help but wonder if my desire to become a mother is being undermined or not taken seriously. Maybe my concerns about my age and the potential challenges of parenthood are being brushed aside. Last night was rough. I cried for hours on end, feeling ignored and unheard. The weight of negative thoughts in my mind left me feeling almost in a state of "depression." Today, my appetite disappeared – a sure sign of sadness. 

A challenging day followed with three classes and two teachers, from 8 am to 4 pm, without a break or even a moment to use the restroom. To make matters worse, one of the staff members was unexpectedly on sick leave. I was left to navigate this hardship alone, with no one to confide in or ask for help. At 2am? , I found myself looking through the family album. Tears welled up as I thought about my loving family members, my precious students, and even the childhood dolls I had to leave behind in Hong Kong. 

Summer camp

It's hard to believe that it has already been a year since my first day of work at this school. I vividly remember how it all started with the summer camp teaching position that eventually led to a contract after the camp. 

Time really does fly! Reflecting on the past year, I can say that it has been an overwhelming yet incredible journey for me. This year marked my first teaching experience, and I couldn't have asked for a more fulfilling opportunity. The summer camp played a crucial role in opening doors for me, and I will always be grateful for that. As I finished my first year of work in Canada, I couldn't help but contemplate my future plans. I recently went through three interviews in June with other schools. The motivation behind this decision was twofold. 

Firstly, I felt that a slight increase in salary would be beneficial in terms of providing for my family and potentially securing a property. 

Secondly, I wanted to explore career development opportunities and try my hand at teaching in a different school setting. Although my current school is still developing, I believe it's essential to embrace new challenges and grow as an educator. One of my greatest accomplishments so far has been the positive feedback and connection I have built with my students. Knowing that most of them like me that brings me immense joy. 

Additionally, the parents, at the very least, do not have any negative sentiments towards me. In fact, some even express their desire to stay in touch and maintain a friendly relationship. Building these bridges and earning the trust of both students and parents is something I truly cherish. 

On another note, I have recently finalized the eight camp books for the upcoming summer camp. I carefully selected materials and designed activities in the hope of creating lasting memories for the students. I want this experience to be not only educational but also enjoyable and memorable for them. As I write this, I can't help but feel a sense of anticipation and excitement for what the summer camp has in store. It's amazing to think about the impact we, as teachers, can have on young minds during these special programs. 

The summer camp holds a special place in my heart, not just because it kick-started my journey here, but also because it represents growth, new opportunities, and the chance to make a difference in the lives of these students. 

Prince Edward Island

Thank you Lord for giving me the opportunity to come to here again!

Great people, and a new job. 

I want to pour my heart out about my recent trip to Prince Edward Island with my amazing boyfriend. 

It was an unforgettable experience, and I feel so lucky to have him in my life. 

Throughout the entire journey, he took charge of everything, from online check-ins to meticulously planning the itinerary, and even driving us around for five whole days. 

I am truly grateful for his efforts and how he took such good care of me.

I could see the love and adoration in his eyes, and it warmed my heart to know how much he cared about me.

Even during our quiet moments together, such as when we watched episodes of Seinfeld or explored funny videos on YouTube, his compliments continued to make me feel cherished and loved.

During our trip, my mind wandered to a few thoughts that have been on my mind lately...

 One of them is the sad realization that the term "trad wife" has emerged as a way to emphasize the traditional role of a wife in taking care of the family and her husband. 

I believe that being a wife should inherently involve nurturing and supporting the family unit. 

However, it's disheartening to witness the need for a term or trend to remind people of the original meaning of a "wife." 

It should be a natural and unconditional part of the commitment we make to our loved ones.

Sigh....

Another recurring question in my mind is whether it's possible to balance my teaching career while also being fully present in taking care of my future family. 

It's something I often ponder, as I am passionate about both aspects of my life. 

However, deep down, I know that maintaining excellence in both "jobs" simultaneously would be incredibly challenging. 

Some questions: How does a trad wife ensure intellectual growth and prevent feelings of isolation or boredom that may arise from dedicating much of her time to domestic duties? (My mom has showed and proved me it is a 24-7 job that will never end)... 

Depending on the circumstances, a trad wife may face challenges related to financial dependence on the husband. This can raise questions about individual autonomy and the ability to make independent financial decisions.

Sacrifices would need to be made, and it would be a constant juggling act. 

While it may seem impossible to excel at both, I remain hopeful that with open communication and support from my partner, we can find a balance that allows me to pursue my passion for teaching while nurturing our family.

I am grateful for this trip. 

Thank you Lord.

 

4月8日燭光晚餐

差不多又一個月無見

由上一年的12月5日你擰轉身走

甘就四個幾月

剛剛兩星期的夜晚煲粥

我只想你快樂輕鬆

所以真係好順心

佢見我已經無咩打扮

可能我點都甘鐘意佢GAR

雖然返到屋企就立即諗下次煮些什麼

又諗買RAPEE床單比佢

但我諗我都係霖熄團火比較好吧

始終而家太多行動都不是太好

我目標是第四座前都可以

自自然然

輕輕鬆鬆

打到電話比佢

記錄一下那天下午做了一些什麼

我們看了一陣正宗教練

之後就看了一陣SHELDON

佢就去左洗米

之後就去旅行箱找泰國手信😁

諗起枝DOVE真係好搞笑呀佢😆

好低B

第一次食佢正正經經煮的飯

蛋煎得好食

如果真係有下一次

我想整牛肉蕃茄意粉

炒菠菜

牛油果

蟹籽沙律

差不多4個月

請假 ? 之後就4個月了。

現在連假宦不需要請。

1 月尾新年假後充因為肺炎，全港學校停課。

這麼長的假期又另我回想起上一年的新年+海底撈之後的日子

加加埋，我們足足都成個半月無見。

我發現因恐懼-->致欠缺理智是我的限制

他面對感情而逃避、拖延是他的限制

說話爽直與誠實是兩碼子的事，要分開說。

一直我是否因為覺得他認為這是跪著的愛人，所以不珍惜我嗎?

為什麼轉身後可以完完全全不理會我?

反而，其他人，甚至曾經不喜歡的人會更親過自己......

現在發展到這階段，

像樽頸位一樣... ... 上不到，我開始有一念

不知道我們還可以有那一些微妙的變化

無力感開始愈來愈重

我間中會因為他失眠，這兩星期變密

影響了很多精神、胃口、專注力

基本上對他身邊的人和事，我完全地接收了他們對自己的傷害，

接受了這樣一來對我的情緒影響。

成長是不斷的妥協，但妥協有什麼不好?

那樣有一成不變的人在萬變的世界?

我不想錯過自己人生，我要上進改善、增加觀點來增加彈性度、

亦不跪著乞求愛情，不委屈自己，不令人不舒服

我想愛情間應該互相尊重，不太過位。

既然停留在「心靈創傷」，不如實際行動；

若果，我用盡了最後一口氣，革命未能成功，看清事實，勇敢的放手。

________________________________________________

特別給自己的話

1. 自我；

a. 我認為開心、快樂、成熟，對方也必一定是認同和感謝

b. 我要學習的已經足夠 (如其他新的技能、做人道理、知識範疇等)

c. 當我堅持一樣東西/事情時，都要打開耳朵聆聽，再要消化一下

      - 為什麼我要堅持? 最緋原因是什麼?

      - 不堅持，妥協/順一下對方意願 會有什麼問題?

      - 作這個堅持時，有無分析一下會為關係/感情帶來什麼危機?

 *時間會證明你的決擇，記得應要顧及自己快樂幸福為首要考慮條件

2. 發脾氣/ 情緒管理

a. 每次遇到嬲的時候，可考慮的幾步驟 (發生了什麼事à 我可以選擇怎樣的情緒à即使選擇憤怒à也可以選擇作聲/不作聲)

b. 處理一件事情不容易，但加上了情緒便會更多一重問題和障礙

c. 發脾氣前先分析，未做到分析前，脾氣要收埋 (要分散自己注意力)

-會唔會發左又唔見半年? 玩完?

-對方在處理問題時，他有做了什麼行動和反應處理?

平日練習:

1. 跟媽學煮飯

2. 跟爸學揸車

3. 爸媽責罵可訓練EQ 及逆向思維、正向價值觀

4. 有益閱讀 (學習新知識、增加反思能力、正向能力)

5. 以增肌帶氧運動為主

僅記

提升「吵商」的方向是：情侶間有時候會進入兒童性心理狀態，變得任性情緒化。建議你學會適度約束自己，因為任性太多也會傷了對方的耐心和愛心。轉移一部分成人的客觀性到你們爭吵的核心問題上，徹底解決一些總是騷擾你們的現實問題，會讓你在親密關係中擁有更多安全感和自信心。

月經到未?

很多次的小吵架
加埋加埋就會變很多次
很多次就一次又一次甘樣傷害感情

原來很多次的發脾氣
要分手的之後我都忘記了個原因
但每次我都話很嚴重

其實我是一個安全感非常不足的女人
批判性思考也沒有
所以先有甘多次吵架

我必先要有足夠的能力管好自己
有足夠能力讓自己處之泰然
有足夠能力令自己開心快樂
否則我是絕對帶不了幸福給我倆

BKK first trip with Macy Chan

今次去得4日

第一次同陳美龜

希望再有多幾次這樣的旅行

我覺得好好笑

最後曼谷全日

佢竟然想係的士到忍唔住放屁

而我坐係佢後面

佢話要比個豬司機顏色

5分鐘路程佢渣左營高鐵分鐘

令到我地遲到

 🤣 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣