Chapter 36: Grace in the Middle of Uncertainty

 Two days before my 36th birthday, I received some “bad” news from my hubby — his contract will be ending this month, six months earlier than expected.

At first, it felt unsettling. The unknown always does. But at the same time, deep in my heart, I felt peace… and even joy.

For so long, he has been in a job he didn’t truly enjoy. Maybe this early ending is not a loss, but a release. A door closing so that better ones can open. I’m grateful he can finally take a break, breathe, and hopefully find time for himself — to rest, to dream again, to rediscover what makes him come alive.

Next month, we’re heading to Turkey for a month! And the biggest joy — Mum and Dad will be there too. I still can’t believe we will see each other again so soon after our wedding, just seven months later. What a blessing! My heart is already counting down the days. ✈️

On my birthday morning, hubby treated himself to a massage at Lan Beauty. We were running late, so sadly I didn’t get mine. But the day still unfolded beautifully. We had dim sum and wandered around First Markham Place, soaking in the busy, lively atmosphere. Later, we went to Go Place — it was so crowded! Yet God’s mercy truly shines in the smallest details. A staff member named Karen kindly helped us and even gave me a birthday massage pass and two free drinks. I felt so seen and cared for.

Hubby also surprised me with a Korean chocolate cake on the day itself. And on February 26, Dorothy, Catherine, Anne, and Carmen surprised me with an Oreo cake. I am so loved. So spoiled. So thankful.

Thirty-six feels different.

This year, I pray for miracles — especially the quiet miracle in my belly. May God grant us a little “bubu” and gently lead us into parenthood. I don’t know what this year will bring — new jobs, new journeys, new challenges — but I know Who walks with us.

And that is enough.

Here’s to faith over fear.
Here’s to unexpected blessings.
Here’s to 36. 💛

January: A Quiet and Unexpected Month

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I had never dreamed of NOT working one day and becoming a stay-at-home wife or mother. To me, that felt almost impossible. I would need to support my aging parents. I would need to support my family in this high cost-of-living world. Teaching is never something “free” or easy for me. But it has always been the best job I could imagine for being a mother, a wife, and a caretaker. I can enjoy the same summer holidays as my future kids. I have long seasonal breaks to spend with my family. I have a pension. Teaching helps foster both myself and my children. When I first chose this career, this was exactly what I hoped it could be.

January turned out to be a very different month. 

I only worked four days in total. Because of very few job calls and heavy snow days, I unexpectedly started living like a full-time housewife. Life slowed down a lot, and I found myself spending more time at home than I ever planned. 

This month was also my husband’s birthday month, which made January very special. We invited some friends over and enjoyed cozy game nights and hotpot together. Simple food, warm conversations, and laughter mattered so much during the cold winter days.

On one freezing cold Friday night, we also went out just the two of us. We had a wonderful dinner at Jacob’s Steakhouse. It was warm, calm, and deeply comforting.

At the same time, we are both trying our very best to support fertility in natural ways. I have been doing acupuncture and taking herbs, hoping to help my body gently and patiently.

I want to speak honestly about the IVF industry, because this matters deeply to me. To me, IVF is not a medical miracle or a hopeful option. It has become a business built on desperation, fear, and money. Human life is created, frozen, selected, discarded, and destroyed as if it were a product. This is not healing. This is control.

I cannot accept a system where embryos are treated as “extra,” “failed,” or “unused.” Those are not materials. They are lives. Mistakes happen. Wrong sperm or eggs are used. Babies are treated like lab results. And yet, no one takes real responsibility. Everything is hidden behind contracts, money, and nice marketing words.

The cost is also disturbing. Families are pushed to spend huge amounts of money, sometimes their life savings, for something that is never guaranteed. At the same time, we are sold fake hope, fake food, fake health products, and endless treatments. Society makes people sick, stressed, and infertile — and then sells IVF as the solution. It feels like being trapped in a cruel money system.

To me..., IVF is not a “choice.” It is morally wrong, against the Bible, and against God. Life is a gift from God, not something humans should manufacture, trade, or destroy. Love, marriage, and family were never meant to be handled this way.

My prayer is simple. I hope my husband and I can walk this journey without arguments, with love, trust and understanding. I pray that God makes us truly one flesh, strengthens our bond, and gives us faith and patience.

We will try all the natural ways we can, and then place everything in God’s hands. Whatever His plan is, we trust Him.

January was quiet, unexpected, and reflective.

❤️Choosing Family First

 This year, I’m learning to adjust my priorities.

Pregnancy and family have become my main focus. I’m slowly stepping into my family role—taking care of my husband, nurturing our relationship, and taking better care of my own body so I can prepare myself for pregnancy. Compared to previous years, my career is less important right now, and I’m at peace with that.

I didn’t actively look for a permanent job this year. Instead, my goal is simple: complete the minimum required working days across three school boards and keep my position. I’ve already secured one board, and I’m working toward the other two. One step at a time—keep it up, Bren Bren.

There are also personal wishes close to my heart. I want to see my parents again, hopefully this summer. I also dream of taking a trip with my husband—a trip that belongs just to us, before life becomes busier in new ways.

I hope I can find balance in everything.

Every time my husband smiles, my heart melts. His happiness is my happiness. Before I have a baby growing in my womb, I want to fully enjoy this season of life—welcoming friends, spending time together, laughing, and creating memories.

在等待中被愛

 有時我都會靜落嚟諗一諗，原來「而家仲未懷孕」呢段時間，本身就係一份禮物。

作為一個妻子，呢個階段俾咗我同老公好多空間。我哋可以隨時約朋友上屋企，幾多日都得；屋企仍然可以保持一份安靜，屬於我哋兩個人嘅時間。夜晚可以慢慢傾偈，傾未來、傾財務、傾生活方式，慢慢摸索我哋想要嘅人生方向。

呢段「安靜期」，亦都俾我哋有更多時間去浪漫。唔係大排場，而係兩個人一齊去做一啲值得記住、唔會忘記嘅小事——一齊行街、一齊煮飯、一齊笑。原來，兩個人單純咁同行，本身已經好珍貴。

等待BB嘅過程，其實都係一個操練信心嘅過程。我學習將更多嘅信靠交俾神，亦都喺靈命上慢慢被建立。呢段時間，我同老公都可以更投入教會嘅服侍，將而家仍然相對自由嘅時間，獻俾神、獻俾人。

我亦都更加珍惜同父母相處嘅時間——呢份家庭時光，其實係我內心一直渴望、亦都好珍而重之嘅。

我有諗過，係咪應該俾自己一個短暫嘅 break，返香港走一轉。不過現實上，又要考慮工作，同埋結婚之後，我又唔太捨得留老公一個喺加拿大。所以都仍然喺禱告同思考當中。

我知道，一旦懷孕，我嘅身體會進入一個完全唔同嘅階段——重量、感覺、身心都會改變。所以而家，我都想好好珍惜呢個「未曾生育過」嘅身體。當然，我依然深信，母親身份係世界上其中一樣最偉大嘅事，亦都係神創造我哋其中一個美麗嘅心意。

願神賜我哋一個健康嘅孩子，亦都願佢將來認識基督、與主建立關係，一生榮耀神。
願神祝福我哋嘅父母，賜佢哋忍耐與盼望，等候孫兒嘅來臨。
願神祝福我同我丈夫，有同心合意嘅渴望，亦都有健康嘅身體去承載生命。
願神賜我一個結果子嘅子宮，擴展我哋嘅家庭。

奉主耶穌基督嘅名祈求，阿們。 🙏